Saturday, July 16, 2011

Don Draper is Falling

am too afraid for myself now, climbing subway
stairs and getting lost in people’s hair, the sleek of their grinning
parts.

A swift epoch of summer got placed between my ears
and slanted frames, and I’ll wait for time
to leave Manhattan in a mist, with all its doormen and smoky
twenty year olds leaning in sailing shirts, flirting
downwind.
All down 14th street there are shopping bags tagged with hands, brushing
up against shallow ties and clouted men.
It’s their multitude!

and my gasping,
when I see them carrying around their humanness in square chest pockets;
with it dropping out whenever they bend down
for a New York Times.

I keep clicking my lighter at men in lonely hats,
while waiting for the 6 up to 68th st,
and trying not to worry about the doors cutting us up with glass;
how they make me watch people grow small
through branches of shirt-sleeves
and long cylinders for eyes.

I’ve spent so much time trying to be mysterious
to someone in Grand Central; dressing in worn
leather suitcases, only to find myself
undone at another
woman’s finer seams.

Nor is there anyone sipping on the other side of my Marlboro.
I had thought we could share stories and our fragments
and kiss at the end,
outside the brick buildings of afternoon.

All this,
how it catches on the edges of me;
         to return in rain and find the hall paintings
brownly dreaming.

But every night in the TV room,
Don Draper is falling
faceless along
razored legs, falling
the length
of skyscrapers, through
plaid families
and bourbon drinks;
into a glossy void
of Rosetta ads
for picture babies,
for starlets in winking 
green.
And yet

every time,
with Lucky Strike
in hand, his back
to me in pleats, he always ends up
          sitting in a chair.

Friday, July 15, 2011

To Knowing a Man (from Jacksonville) Pt. 1


You sang in your sleep last night, dear,
about Jacksonville and the snows
that were to come from over  
the Adirondacks, peeking
out from under crows’ wings,
before the Indian summer folded up.

Last night when you were singing,
I made a cabin room for you in the walls
of my own shadowy brain, in the smoke
of a chanting moon. The beams held,
even under weight of my autumn hair
dewy with the swoon of dusk.
The windows fogged up with my thoughts
of you and of winter stretching
across the skin of the fruited earth,
drying out the trees and blowing
stories with a powdery mouth.
The record player caught up
old winter’s tales and weaved them,
while I watched the pictures playing
on the RCA, blackly, whitely,
a mist of us that descended
on the beaches of Alki,
on the branches of Ontario’s sallow
woods; that crept like Civil War ghosts
whistling Dixie in the corridors
of our old haunts; plantation
dreams of an old feeling.

Your chair was creaking, dear,
without person, in a certain dust;
The rounded glass of scotch tipping
off, sweating all its liquid out.

It went on dripping, making the bear
rug drunk so that it snored loudly
all through the night, dreaming,
exhaling whole forests
and the rifled arms of hunters, red
in mangled plaid, until
the paperboy came
wrinkled up and dressed in morning.
I cooked brown eggs
as the front page read:
Snowstorm Descends on Jacksonville—and I
was thinking, I wish I’d known.

To Knowing a Man Pt. 2

I am aware that I am losing particles, I thought I had already told you that. I feel them sliding down like small rivulets from my wagging head. All that is left are freckle spots clinging and scattered like a constellation God was too punched to do right. I am aware that I am losing time, losing space, losing fabric dynamos of my wonderings. Maybe that is why the sky dies down early in the fall. Maybe that is why the purple hills have dimmed themselves again, making headstones while the trains go by. Maybe that is why you keep losing your watch in the cottonwoods and tripping over soldiers growing birch trees in unmarked graves.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

When People Come Knocking With Words to Say

Even the roads are silent at the stoplights
in the husk of dark. And I am doomed to my
own strange foliage inside my head, kicking
up the dirt with shoes, wondering what other
names were buried there. And the oceans that
        I swim,
hearing bells across the land. People stand
at the shores in new fashions, in red winter
coats and fine gloves; their tuned silence, in wooly
hordes, ushers me further out, further out to be 
alone with the gory foams. Down Avondale Road,
backyard fires rent, like gunsmoke, gorges in the air.
And I,
what do I do but drive past signposts telling me
to slow down, while bells crash symbols across
the land. The bells! The bells! ringing through the radio
while he tells me that “all the trees of the field will clap
their hands” and the sky will shudder like a moose in the
grey dawn
of day. And I am doomed to wander the strange
foliage inside my head, and sneak off into
wide-eyed shadows when people come knocking
with bread in their arms and words to say. 

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Taking the Train to High House in Early Summer

Over yonder, Michael,
the young man Michael,
tilled the land and ate
the snake’s heart,
so I have been told;
that is how one becomes
a casket,
amongst the fall of dappled
dawn and autumn leaves.

It bled and bled, who knew
snakes had such blood, so much dark
blood to give to the land
where Wallace built your father’s cabin.
It smells of angells inside,
like your brother’s years, like
the heart within you, Grandmother, 
still threshing.

A field, plagued by the heats of June.
Sweat loped down your brother’s
salmon shirt, while he waved his bare arms
over the grasslands, pointing
even to the woods beyond the sky,
those great sweltering forests that grew
for his name.

The echoes, the slant of yellow
hill. I can see it all
on Creation, feathered grasses
eating up the earth; at the peal
of a yawning whisper
the vines melded
to the sinews of the fence,
heavy, laden
with shadows of grapes.

There used to be horses
here plowing each harvest season.
Now you can hear their descendants,
the blonde mare, screaming
down the road, wrenching
my cigarette smoke
from between slender trees;
dying in the afternoon.

A path weaves itself
and there are stone brick
walls hanging about; buttered flies
hop up from bundles of weeds.

There used to be children
here, playing house, playing
owners of pastures and lounging
country homes; you,
and your brother
who now drinks occasionally
on the terrace among
the failing roses.
Now, insects maraud the day.
They crawl my body, as I am,
swallowed by rich mounds.

Where have the birdbaths gone?
The ones you dawdled in, itching
at your shoulder blades
to bring the wings out. They
are gone, darling. You know that now.
Darling, darling,
they never were.

It reminds me so much of
what I felt in the deep
of birth. This memory
of wind and dimmed sun,
of pouting clouds
and the air quiet,
absent of mouths;
only the beetles gnawing
at wood and sound.

The red maple, the pine;
thin pillars of log.
The view of the white house,
painted blue with shutters
high upon the ridge; a pale sky
grows out from
its fleshy roof.

Yet, I can’t help
the flickering vision;
seeing it all burning
in September
blooming deep vermillion
haze. Why is that?
Is it the raw grope of age? Is it
knowledge of the cities,
those clean
skyscrapers to the south, or the suburbs
to the west,
new and nylon dressed.
Is it the smell of books
decaying in the study?
Or the falling
asleep in my shoes 
in aroma of oaky bed?

Grandmother, I was dragged to slumber
as the day still held and dreamt
I was your nurse; dreamt
a four-poster earth
in which
I was your nurse in thirties cotton,
while at the same time
my summer body continued in the sheets.
I wrapped me up
and buried in the pillows
my closed head.
I, the I that was bedclothes,
grew tendrils of cloth for fists
and sank into the unknowing
of objects; a strange man slipped
into the pool outside as I swam
in the cyan wallpaper, in
and out of animation, speckled
with white riders.
This old knowledge
in me; have I swallowed
a second heart; set
it beating in the strangeness
of my head?
Was it yours?

I awoke so peculiar
and thought
I saw the child you
out the picture window,
hiding in the grasses
from your father on the bluff,
who clenched his pipe all through
the dusk and his own
baleful calls.
It must have been the ghost
of you, yet, you haven’t died.

No, no, it was tools cruely
bent, set in odd
arrangement in the knolls,
skirted in navy,
white wristed.

But parts of us are always dying,
Grandmother, even
in yellow winds. Because
the seasons come up and dry the leaves
and grasses and bring new rain.
The seeds of us,
our brown atoms, swagger
even as the film discolors into
bleaker shades, and our minds
writhe and crash;
even while our hands grow spots
in the shapes of continents
we once spanned.

Or so mumbles
the train back from Peakskill,
and is the lament
of the conductor’s eyes, lashing
in grey evening
as he punches my ticket through.